Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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