Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
