You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
