You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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