Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
