im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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