First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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