You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
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I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
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Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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