I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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