Umm I'm too high to move.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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