Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
