Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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