we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
