anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
