***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
