How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
