my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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