i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
