I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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