Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
