I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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