Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He? As in you personified your dick?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
