so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I love you. Go after that dick
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