We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
