I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
