Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
