guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
