Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
