my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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