All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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