no, he came in my armpit
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
