So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
