did you get engaged???
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
