so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There r osticjed everywhere
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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