I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Four minutes until I can fart!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize