Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
