Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
