Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.

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(773): I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader. http://tfl.nu/8khu

Replies (13) Good night (3992) Bad night (793)
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(310): View more from California

you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.

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(310): you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk. http://tfl.nu/32ev

Replies (21) Good night (5376) Bad night (1049)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.

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(803): When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking. http://tfl.nu/3yj1

Replies (10) Good night (5705) Bad night (926)
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(404): View more from Georgia

I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.

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(404): I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party. http://tfl.nu/j6hi

Replies (12) Good night (7288) Bad night (1127)
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(801): View more from Utah

Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?

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(801): Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch? http://tfl.nu/p8up

Replies (12) Good night (5294) Bad night (1549)
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(515): View more from Iowa

I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.

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(515): I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises. http://tfl.nu/86bb

Replies (5) Good night (770) Bad night (1678)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.

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(304): The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man. http://tfl.nu/dffi

Replies (17) Good night (946) Bad night (2615)
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(937): View more from Ohio

She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.

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(937): She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend. http://tfl.nu/pjkv

Replies (11) Good night (2361) Bad night (686)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.

(637): View more from

We made popcorn last night. So it's both

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(908): It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one. (637): We made popcorn last night. So it's both http://tfl.nu/itvi

Replies (2) Good night (587) Bad night (1226)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level

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(603): i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level http://tfl.nu/sciw

Replies (4) Good night (485) Bad night (1210)
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(630): View more from Illinois

This is a rough morning for me

(577): View more from

No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.

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(630): This is a rough morning for me (577): No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma. http://tfl.nu/q4hk

Replies (1) Good night (672) Bad night (1231)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life

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(412): But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life http://tfl.nu/sdyc

Replies (5) Good night (1195) Bad night (608)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.

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(920): Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night. http://tfl.nu/df8w

Replies (3) Good night (619) Bad night (1615)
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(707): View more from California

Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.

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(707): Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful. http://tfl.nu/xs64

Replies (2) Good night (545) Bad night (304)
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(716): View more from New York

Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank

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(716): Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank http://tfl.nu/v8v3

Replies (2) Good night (505) Bad night (341)

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