Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it