You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand