Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
