Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I have post one night stand depression
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
