My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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