The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
