I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
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Farmville is her only friend.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
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i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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