I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
