4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
