I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
