TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
