I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize