Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There's always time for handjobs
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
