So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
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Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
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Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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