Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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