Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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