Sry I called you an 8
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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