I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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