he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
