I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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