Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
