Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
