i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
