he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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