I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
