I'm jealous of your bromance
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
