The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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