I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
